Sunday, April 29, 2007

Coming undone...

I have been thinking for a while now about writing something about myself. But then, I wasn't too sure as I didn't want to go "public" but then I am comfortable about being me, so feel free to bitch in the comments section. This is only a small part of me. So don't you dare think "Bah! She is shallow."

The things i like (on a "deep" level) :

  • People . All kinds. Snooty, bitchy, innocent, raging alcoholics, serial killers...all of them. Why? Maybe because I did Psychology and I believe that we are what we are purely because of circumstances. The genes can be blamed a little; which means that the individual per say, is not "bad". I like seeing the other side of people which I strongly believe exists in each and every one of us. So, according to my "theory", everyone is good. ( You are free to exclude me though :P )

  • Music. Why is that "deep"? I associate music to people and events in my life. Every single day and every single person I have come come across. ( Now you know why I loop songs ). Music gets me highly nostalgic and I enjoy it, it freezes that person/ event in my mind. If I do listen to new songs, I connect them to people from my past/ present. So, every song on my playlist holds some meaning to me.

  • Home footwear. You think I am crazy. I am not going to defend myself for you might be right. I think it shows how guarded I am. I might seem like I let go with many people but I realyl don't. My past experiences have taught me how dangerous it can be to do so, although I don't like the idea of holding back. I need footwear 24/7. I can't walk barefeet. This is a habit I developed a few months back and it shows I have learnt.

  • Love. Yeah, yeah sounds supremely cliché. Love, to me in something purely internal. If you feel it, that will do. It does not need any justification or meaning. The person you love might hate you, and that inturn might hurt you. That hurt is superficial, it will go away (without alcohol as well). But at the end of the day, you feel love. I think any human being who feels love is blessed.

  • My face. Yes, I am self-gay despite all the flaws i possess. But this is not what you think it is. The way I look everyday reflects my mood. People who know me very well, which a hand full, can read it. It is not about a bad hair day or the lack of make-up. My face is highly transparent (or so I think). I like the way I show the world what I really am (although I have not been this way forever). They have to be smart enough to decipher it :P

  • Movies. I watch movies that I can relate to on some level. If I don’t know what the movie is about, I seldom agree to watch it. When I watch a movie, I become the character that is the center of attention in a particular scene. I feel exactly what they feel and I cry and laugh with them.

  • Beauty. I see beauty in every single thing around me. I might call something hideous just to seem “normal” and go with the group’s ideology. But in reality, I see a hint of beauty in the most “ugliest” object as well. I guess that is in artist in me thinking.

The things I like (on a "not-so-deep" level):

  • Autopsy. Yeah, you heard it right. And like I said, you are free to call me crazy. The first time I witnessed an autopsy, I felt more alive than ever. You see a baby smile at you and you feel warm from within, you see a dead body being chopped into tiny pieces, what do you feel then? I felt like I was evolving into a stronger person.

  • Ocean. Again, pretty cliché. I am a water sign, to start with and the ocean speaks volumes to me. After a tiring day in the city where you find all kinds of people everywhere and you interact with then constantly either directly or indirectly. At the end of all this drama, when I sit in front of the ocean, I feel like it’s been waiting for me to arrive. My moods sway according to the tides and we share an unbreakable bond.

  • Clothes. Woman thing. I am very keen about dressing in comfortable clothes that are stylish in their own way. I do not like repeating clothes. The clothes I wear mostly reflect my mood but then, I don’t think that is very noticeable. I don’t like brands, partly because I can’s afford them on a regular basis :P Off late, I have been trying to change my wardrobe due to the sudden weight gain which upsets me greatly.

  • Planning. I am not a very systematic person. But that does not mean I do not like planning. I think plans motivate me to act. That’s about it. I like knowing I have something to do; whether I do it or not, is a totally unrelated issue.

  • Analyzing. Should this be in the “deep” level section? Ah well. I try to analyze and rip every situation into tiny pieces and reconstruct them with various “what if” clause. This is pretty enlightening as well as entertaining at the same time.

The things I don’t like:

  • Hatred and any associated negative feelings. See? I can be normal. I think that the world goes around because of the energy that we, as human beings give each other. I guess you see where I am going with this. In a nutshell, passing of negative feelings from one person to another prevents one from evolving.

  • Hype. I dislike anything that creates hype. I think many people play along because they think they have to or they might be considered untouchables or something. For example: I seldom watch movies that create hype and unwanted drama, be it because of the story line or the cast. I do not appreciate hype.

  • Sun. If you live in someplace where you seldom see sun and hate that, please do visit Chennai. I am pretty dusky myself, under normal temperatures. And in Chennai, we are gifted to experience the joy of summer 8 months in a year. The maximum temperatures shoot up to anywhere between 40 to 45 degree Celsius and we are a developing country. Not all our buildings have air conditioning facilities. End result- I look like I had a freak accident at the tan salon.

  • Math. Something I will never learn to remotely like. I have tried all the possible strategies to get away from it. I took up Psychology hoping I won’t have to face the horror that is numbers but noooooooo..I had statistics. Bleeeh! I will continue my fight and I hope to lead a math-free life soon.

  • Not disliking too many things. Weird eh? True though. I don’t dislike too many things. I either learn to like or have a neutral stance about most things I dislike, which makes it tougher for me to make a distinction between the good, bad and ugly.

My life has been one great big joke,

A dance that's walked,

A song that's spoke,

I laugh so hard I almost choke,

When I think about myself.

~Maya Angelou

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