Tuesday, July 31, 2007

He loved, he was killed...

It is rather amusing the way people work when it comes to love.Love is all pervasive but at the same time is overrated in a very narrow sense. It is perceived as a romantic connection, in most cases. People have to be motivated to love. More often than not, they look for reinforcements. The so-called pure feeling is adultrated by negative feelings like jealousy, greed, lust, anger etc.

When a person learns to love genuinely, he is more open and vulnerable. The society takes advantage of this. To avoid this from happening,he builds a hard exterior. He forgets to love. He forgets to live.

I have loved, I have lived, I was battered. But I still love, I still live. And there is no better feeling than to love. Even if the person you feel it towards doesn't know or is not with you, the feeling makes you feel like a human being, at the end of the day. You feel at ease with yourself.

As clicheed as this may seem, feel love, for yourself and for others. If you feel you are incapable of feeling this way, look within. You will find the answers.

I came across a Hindi song called "In dino" from the movie "Life in a Metro"which was a movie with countless emotions. It depicted how complicated relationships get in a city life and how people deprive themselves of love for want of a greater feeling which is non-existant. The lyrics of the song are very touching and meaningful. I have translated it in English; might seem pretty cheesy, but you get the point :P

In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha , tu khaab
saja, tu ji le jara,

hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat.

Berang si hai badi zindagi kuchh rang to bharoon,
main apani tanahaayi ke waaste ab kuchh toh karoon.

Jab mile thodi fursat, khudse karle muhabbat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat

Usako chhupaakar main sabse kabhi le chaloon
kahin door…
aankhon ke pyaalon kse pita rahoon usake chehre ka noor.

Iss jamaane se chhupakar , puri karloon main
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat.

In English :-S

These days my heart tells me to dream , to live a
Even you have permission, even you can love.

Colorless is life let me fill it with some
Let me do something about this lonliness in my

When you get a bit of time, love yourself a
Even you have permission, even you can love.

Let me hide her from others and take her far
With the pails of my eyes I was drinking from the
beauty of her face,

Let me hide myself from time and fulfill my
Even you have permission, even you can love.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Narcotics are a joke!!

From what I have heard, being in love gets people high and weird. To me, its exactly like a weed trip. I have not really experienced it but I am saying this from what I have heard from dopeheads. I feel cozy and I smile to myself like a retard. I eat a lot. I laugh excessively. Everything basically slows down. Sigh..what a trip! Oh and boy is it addictive!

Here is something funny I read:

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that your 54 year old body can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed - I shall be back home before midnight . When he came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18 Therefore, I will not be back before lunch time tomorrow.

I have been compulsively thinking what I want to write about and I ended up writing a "poem". This is pretty much how dopeheads write. I have no clue what the poem conveys. This week has been very eventful and too many things have been happening in too little time. Is that a good thing? Only time will tell. What I do know is that I am comfortable being happy. I am enjoying this feeling for it is far better than not being loved in return or him telling you that you have all the qualities that he hates in a person.I am surprised I survived all that. And I thank those people who have made me a stronger and a better human being. They have hurt me, cared for me, spited me, touched me. I loved them with all I had, lied to them, hurt them and I still love them. Wow, I am random today. Anyway, here is the poem.

Did he die for your sins? Did he pay the real price?
Did he feel the real pain? Did he plead and cry?
If he died for your sins, will you not sin again?
If he bled for your pleasures, what is it that you gain?
The cross eclipsed the sun, the day was dark,
Was that the end or the start? what did his suffering mark?
They still lie and hurt, when they take his name,
When he died, died humanity; as he took all the blame.

Yes, I need therapy.

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Monday, July 16, 2007

I made you up....

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
I think I made you up inside my head.

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
I think I made you up inside my head.

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
I think I made you up inside my head.

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I think I made you up inside my head."

- Sylvia Plath

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

And she found it...

When I watch a chick flick (which I normally don't), I get pretty irritated. Why? Cuz I didn't believe those events actually happen. Girl, guy fall magically in love. Guy proposes. They live happily ever after. Not to forget, the mind-blowing first kiss. But you know what? They do happen. Life is not full of shit, actually. There is ALWAYS a reason why things happen. I know that sounds like a cheesy way to justify the shitty past BUT it is true. If you had a depressing heart break, there is a reason for it besides the fact that one of you fucked up real bad. And you will know the reason at some point in the future.

I did. I wondered for years together why things happen the way they do. And when something good happened, I d know its not for real, I d wait for things to go bad. That was the perpetual pattern of events. But now, it's all happening. For real. And I am happy. Very happy. This time, I am not going to let anything bring me down. NOTHING. I deserve this and I am going to enjoy every bit of it like cinderella or any other miserable girls from the chick flicks. Yaay!!

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