Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I feel like a cliche.

One of my characteristics that one person I knew a while back didnt quite like was that I was "cliched" in a relationship. I used to feel inadequate for my lack of "orginality". I tried my best to say/ do things differenly so that I am not termed "the usual". When I wanted to gift something, I made a pizza clock, I wrote his name with capacitors on a circuit board..the list goes on.

Now when I think about, it all looks pretty ..umm..stupid ( for want of a better word). Yes, I meant it when I did all of it but I would have done it all differently if I didn't feel pressurized to be different. I feel that when something is said/done genuinely, the feeling of "cliche" should not exist. An expression is overused or said to be a cliche only cuz it is easy to understand and convey and is appreciated and evokes positive response, in the first place.

When a man proposes with ring in the cake, it is a cliche BUT it doesnt make it any less special for the woman, if she says yes,i.e.On the other hand, if she considers it "cliche" she is looking past the intention putforth and is looking at the whole situation rather superficially.

I can't look outside me for faith or hope.
I don't trust people too easily although I befriend them very easily.
I seldom run out of topics to talk about.
I can love unconditionally.
I can stay mad at someone only for a very short while.
I love shots of vodka with salt on the rim.
I like Red.
I like pictures.
I cry when I watch movies.
I cry when I think about the past.
I smile when I see my husband as soon as I get up.
I am not a morning person despite which the above happens.
I hate travelling.
I am a shoppaholic.
I feel fat.
I like mind-fuck movies.
I don't like some smells and places associated with the past.
I would love to be Simon from American Idol for a day.
I loathe Japanese food.
I remember ALL my dreams.
I can't dance.
I am sarcastic.
My passion is psychology.
My dream is to be the best wife and mother.
My greatest fear is separation from loved ones and old age.
I don't want to learn to drive a car.
I don't want to know the capitals of all countries.
I don't ever want to learn mathematics.
Everything about me is cliched and I am proud of it.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

3 AM in Singapore


She came into the room like a candle burning with a cold, clear flame. Her hair was a burnished shade of black that was too dark to cast back any ruddy highlights, but it still did anyway. Her eyes were dark, clear, her complexion flawlessly smooth and elegantly graced with minimal cosmetics. She was not a tall woman, but shapely, wearing a black dress with a plunging neckline and a walk that would put a feline’s grace to shame. Her three hundred dollar shoes were a study in high-heeled torture devices. She truly looked too good to be true…

“This is an unexpected pleasure” she said, voice rich and full. I rose when she entered the room, hoping for something intelligent and witty for a reply, but ultimately just thankful to even find my voice again, “Most pleasures are unexpected, but the pleasure undoubtedly is mine” I said, and then cursed myself for sounding like a melodramatic fool. But that’s the nature of meeting something so lovely, you want to express so much and its so hard to rein it in sometimes, is it not? One quick fact about me while I’m “expressing” so much about myself, I always try to find the good in life and more often then not the good things in life are quite hard to find, and here I am breathing the same air as this genuinely lovely individual so you will have to forgive me if I seem a tad bit over enthusiastic about this girl.

She laughed, lips shaping the sounds, head falling back just enough to show a flash of that amber-brown throat. “It is a charmingly passé thing to be a gentleman in these times” she said. All I can think of was how one can not be in the presence of something so breathtaking. “You and I are of another world” I said...and then our eyes locked. I didn’t flinch. I met her bottomless gaze and quirked my mouth up in a little smile, as though I had something more, to pull out of my soul if she wanted to go there. I saw her passion, her rage, her caring, her anger, her tenderness, her spontaneity, her brilliance, and for just a moment I got a peek inside, saw the source of it. She was furiously pissed off and overwhelmingly pleased that I had seen her true form, horrified and exalted that I had stripped her disguise away and seen the person beneath. And she was afraid that I could take away her defenses, forever, with my power. Little did she know she could do the same to me, or more likely she knew she exactly could do the same to me.

They say that the eyes are the portals to the soul of a person, and I as gazed into her eyes, it felt like a thousand cool soft satin sheets were being pulled all over my very being, a man can get lost in those eyes. Black, bottomless eyes started at me through the burning fire of my faith. I could feel some sort of power there, trying to get at me and held off by the force of my will, and trust me it took every ounce of will not to let myself sink into those eyes, I can only hope I am not flattering myself when I think that she was doing the same herself…

- Anonymous

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Conversations with Pri-I

The human brain is faster than a calculator is when it comes to “calculating” situations. When we are in a situation, the human mind computes rapidly, without even the process being a conscious one. The end result of these micro mini processes are called “choices”. The choices that we make lead to sub choices that in turn lead to other choices and so on. At every point in a day we make hundreds of choices starting from something as trivial as whether to have a bath or not to whether or not to divorce your spouse. This primary choice has an effect on the choices you have in the next level.

Choices can be broadly categorized under 2 types :

1. Rational- This is the most “wise” type of choice. A situation is presented to you and you take some time off and think about it back and forth. “Wise” here is a relative term that essentially means that you will benefit from this choice (materialistically, emotionally or spiritually) and doesn’t have a negative impact on you, directly/ indirectly. For eg: a realtor shows you the best house for the best price in a great place with a friendly neighbourhood. A rational choice maker would tell him he d get back to the realtor and would go home and research about the house, weigh his options, look at the pros and cons and then decide accordingly. A rational thinker is seen to have a set of principles he will NEVER give up.

2. Instinctive- These choices are otherwise known as “Impulsive” choices. People who make these kind of choices act quickly from which they may or may not benefit. Besides, this type of choice has the highest risk of negative impact, which can be long term. For eg: A friend forces you to do drugs. In one of your vulnerable situations, you give in. An instinctive choice maker is likely to repeat his actions. They tend to have a flexible set of principles and tend you “rationalize” their actions by going around their principles. They also think short term.

In psychology, it is said that the choices that an individual makes is based on how their Id, Ego and Super ego work.

• Id is that part of the consciousness that is animalistic. The individual whose id takes over is highly impulsive and “irrational”. For eg: If a boy wants a toy and his parents don’t get it for him, he might go to the extent of stealing money to buy it.
• Superego is that part of the consciousness that is highly principled. It fears being judged by the society and has strict boundaries. For eg: If an individual wants to smoke but sub consciously fears being judged, he might go to the extent of putting up “No smoking” posters to prove to the outside world that he is a “good” individual.
• Ego controls the dynamics of Id and super ego, so to say. It helps one decide make a “socially moral” decision. If Id takes over and gives in in a situation, Ego punishes it with feelings of guilt.

I guess what I m trying to say is, don’t be a dumbass and make choices that will hurt you in the long run.