I feel like a cliche.
One of my characteristics that one person I knew a while back didnt quite like was that I was "cliched" in a relationship. I used to feel inadequate for my lack of "orginality". I tried my best to say/ do things differenly so that I am not termed "the usual". When I wanted to gift something, I made a pizza clock, I wrote his name with capacitors on a circuit board..the list goes on.
Now when I think about, it all looks pretty ..umm..stupid ( for want of a better word). Yes, I meant it when I did all of it but I would have done it all differently if I didn't feel pressurized to be different. I feel that when something is said/done genuinely, the feeling of "cliche" should not exist. An expression is overused or said to be a cliche only cuz it is easy to understand and convey and is appreciated and evokes positive response, in the first place.
When a man proposes with ring in the cake, it is a cliche BUT it doesnt make it any less special for the woman, if she says yes,i.e.On the other hand, if she considers it "cliche" she is looking past the intention putforth and is looking at the whole situation rather superficially.
I can't look outside me for faith or hope.
I don't trust people too easily although I befriend them very easily.
I seldom run out of topics to talk about.
I can love unconditionally.
I can stay mad at someone only for a very short while.
I love shots of vodka with salt on the rim.
I like Red.
I like pictures.
I cry when I watch movies.
I cry when I think about the past.
I smile when I see my husband as soon as I get up.
I am not a morning person despite which the above happens.
I hate travelling.
I am a shoppaholic.
I feel fat.
I like mind-fuck movies.
I don't like some smells and places associated with the past.
I would love to be Simon from American Idol for a day.
I loathe Japanese food.
I remember ALL my dreams.
I can't dance.
I am sarcastic.
My passion is psychology.
My dream is to be the best wife and mother.
My greatest fear is separation from loved ones and old age.
I don't want to learn to drive a car.
I don't want to know the capitals of all countries.
I don't ever want to learn mathematics.
Everything about me is cliched and I am proud of it.
Labels: cliche, past, perceptions, random thoughts
Ode on a grecian urn...
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This is a self-portrait of my grampa taken on his cell phone :)
I have always been meaning to write about my grandad who is by far the most awesome person I have come across. I have lived with him all my life and I have seen him transforming into a very old sick man from..well..a healthy old man.
He served in the Indian army for what seems like an eternity. Thanks to his stories about his army life. His mental age is not more than 25 years, anyday. He thinks the way I do in many ways although he can get painfully annoying at times. I guess that comes with the wonderful package called "old age". He gets extremely repitative at times. And I don't think people understand what it feels like to be told something 20 times non-stop. I am not even exagerrating here. He married my grama when he was 30 years old (She was 16! Yikes!). They NEVER got along too well but I guess, they learnt to live with each other over time. Their fights couldn't get any sillier. They could be the only reason I think about not getting married :).
My grampa is stubborn, authoritative, loving ( but has a weird way to express it, mostly by shouting)and organized. He is the only 86 year old gadget freak I have seen! He has a cell phone (although he is at home 24 7) because he believes it is a "necessity". He is weird in many cute ways. Yes, I blame the weirdness on the genes. He has a damn bell near his bed to call for my grama. No no. It is not a bell that goes "Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring". This goes "Jingle bell jingle bell...". He talks to me about everything including his escapades as a young boy.
He used to be a bundle of energy, always wanting to know what I am upto on the computer, which boy I am talking to over the phone, messing around with the dvd player, eating every edible item in the kitchen. Now, he is just old. Very old. He has lost 20 kilos over a matter of few months. He hardly eats anything. He cannot think of a day without his oxygen cylinder. He doesn't talk as much.
Thatha (as I call him), is pertrified of death. It is pretty surprising, considering he is from the Army. When he feels a little uncomfortable, he will want to be rushed to the hospital. I remember when I had to take him to the hospital at 3 am. The doctor said he was about to leave and that there is pretty much nothing they can do about it. They tied up his hand and legs as he was unconsciously moving under the influence of drugs. I waited outside the glass door, staring at him, asking him to hold on. A few hours later, his pulse was almost back to normal. The doctors said it was a miracle. Thatha has had close encounters of this kind one too many times. But I know for a fact that he will not leave till he WANTS to. He has the will to hang on and enjoy every breathing moment of his life.
I feel extremely sad seeing him this way, right now. But I just hope he does not suffer. He has been a dad to me and I cannot possibly imagine a day without him.
Grandma and Grandpa, tell me a story and snuggle me with your love. When I'm in your arms, the world seems small and we're blessed by the heavens above.
-Laura SpiessLabels: Genes, random thoughts, Thatha
I remember the days when...
Although I have been through events that have changed my life in a drastic manner, never did I actually realize the point of transformation unlike today. I started working today at
CII. No, this is not my first job. I have worked for an AIDS NGO earlier when I was in college. So it was studies and work.
Today, when I set foot into the office, I felt like there was a sudden spurt in my growth hormone. That didn't come out right, did it? I could actually see myself changing from this crazy, messed up girl to a crazy, messed up girl who can handle real responsibilities. It dawned upon me that this was it. This was a huge deal. I had to make it somehow to get somewhere in life. During my coffee break on the rooftop, I was getting to know my colleagues when I thought I needed some alone time. So, I walked towards the parapet wall from where I could see most of the city. I thought about the times when I was in the same place on my terrace. I always thought, " Would it hurt if I fell off?" , "Would I be happier then?", "Will they cry for me?".
But this time, I told myself "I have to live, I have to get there." I do know that if I got back to my terrace I might just get back to thinking the way I always do but today made a difference. I 'd rather not elucidate on the compulsive suicidal ideation as a progenitor reads this. So moving on to the rest of the day.
I decided I needed to get some formal wear ( No no, there aren't any cute guys at work). Normally, when I go shopping, this is how it works and I was extremely proud of it. My friends absolutely hated me for it though. I walk in, pick up clothes in less than 2 min. Waist- 28, Shirts/dress and the like- S (Small). I would seldom try them on while my friends would take hours to decide what to get. Today, was a rude awakening. I walk in, pick up my clothes in less than 2 min and then pause, think to myself "These are expensive clothes, try them on." So, I confidently walk in to the changing room and guess the hell what? The pants won't go beyond my thigh! I look down and tears rolled down my face. What I was witnessing had never happened to me before. I was thinking about how delighted my friends would be on hearing this incident. So, anyway, not like I could reduce how many ever pounds I had gained in a few seconds by sheding them extra tears. I walked to the counter, asked for a 30 :-( and it fit me.
I hope people don't live to see days like this.
Amen.
Labels: obesity, random thoughts, work
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