Saturday, February 24, 2007

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

I had a lot of thoughts in my head . Blogger took so much time to open up and poof! My head is back to being blank now. I tried my skills (or the lack thereof) in photography. Anyway, I think I managed to recollect what I wanted to "blog" about.

Forgiving. Is it overrated? I do know for a fact that there is a lot of cultural pressure when it comes to forgiving. There are various spiritual and cultural views on forgiveness like how Jesus forgave (is that a word?) Judas, theBiblical betrayer and Krishna forgave urrmm..well, some guy who betrayed him I guess. And then we heard our parents endlessly bedtime storying us about how forgiving is an essential aspect of any relationship. I am sure we did not give it a second thought after falling asleep until one day when reality struck us in the ass. Until then we probably thought that it is easy to forgive, that infact we would no matter what forgive someone close to us even if they did commit the greatest crime.

If I had to think of a situation that was less conducive to forgiving another's behavior, it would have to be when a relationship is falling apart. How can you possibly be expected to forgive your partner for cheating, or lying, or being an abuser? It's too much to ask! Or is it?
It's not always easy to forgive. But without forgiving, you will not be able to move past the anger the other person's 'wrong' has produced in you. Anger may put your entire relationship in jeopardy. With enough anger and rage inside yourself, you cause damage to other relationships in your life.

Can there be any doubt that unforgiveness and the resulting anger motivates someone to stalk and kill their unfaithful partner/spouse? Can there be any doubt that unforgiveness and the resulting anger motivates a partner/spouse to destroy an ex's reputation with lies and innuendo?

It's not easy to forgive the pain of betrayal, the pain of abuse, the pain of loss. Yet, without forgiving, you cannot move forward to new, fresh relationships. Without forgiving, you cannot truly mend a broken relationship.

Forgiveness and penance work together to make for reconciliation and forgiveness is possible even without penance. So even though someone hurts you and refuses to apologize, and even if this means that the relationship cannot be repaired, you can still offer forgiveness—for the sake of your own mental health ( too strong a word, but true).

That’s because forgiveness by itself is still psychologically preferable to holding a grudge. Why? Because the bitterness of a grudge works like a mental poison that doesn’t hurt anyone but yourself. Seeking revenge or wishing harm to another will, at the minimum, deplete your strength and prevent your wounds from healing. In the worst case, the cold hunger for revenge will make you into a victimizer yourself. Lacking forgiveness, you and your victimizer will be locked together in the hell of eternal revenge.

How many times have you wondered if you did all you could to save your realtionship? Forgive yourself for "failing" to stay in a situation without hope.
Can you forgive? Should you forgive? Have you forgiven and regretted doing so? Forgive for your future happiness not for theirs.

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is again made clean.”

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