Thursday, March 27, 2008

So much to little time.

Life has changed a great deal. I have always pictured myself getting here sooner or later but I didn't foresee a few deals that come with the package called "Happiness". For one, I always assumed that I will be in touch with all my frinds. I am, right now but not the way I have wanted it to be. Friend#1 has issues with internet and is seldom online, ISD calls coast a bomb so no contact. Friend#2 is a stupid fucking assistant director of some bollywood movie and is shooting in Kashmir. I am unable to track down her number cuz I lost my phone. Friend#3 and I meet up when I go to Chennai but then again its not the same withought the whole gang. Friend#4 has reviews all the fucking time and is chasing deadlines so whatever. Friend #5 works for TCS. Period. There ends her social life or even a semblence of one.

People somehow tend to assume that married people have major responsibilities and hence become boring. Well, guess what? That is somehow not true in my case. Life in fact is simpler emotionally. You start looking at things differently ( matured would be too strong a word to use here). More than that, people start looking at you differently which is both good and bad. When I go back home, grama gives me a nudge and a you-know-what-i-am-talking-about smile follwed by "Sooo, any good news aaa?" What the hell? I have been married for 3 months now! Oh and what makes it worse, my friends ask me that! Yes, I love being a mom and all. But C maaaaan!

The change that I see in myself shocks me at times. I am not the extremely outgooing person anymore. I like keeping to myself a lot , mostly thinking about what the hell do I make for dinner :P The past that I talk about all the time is mostly a haze expect for a few episodes which will probably be etched in my head forever. Some judgements that certain people have made about me seem to have an impact on me , subconsciously. For eg: When I am in a situation, something someone said in the past flashes in my head so unnecessarily and holds me back from anythng I was about to say /do. Well, I am unable to decide whether it is a good thing or a bad one. Whatever it is, I m hoping it will pass like all the other unfortunate things did.

Sometimes I wish I could erase chunks of my memory. Where there is a will vodka shot there is way :D

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