BIRTH OF SANITY

Yesterday, I met a friend after ten years. Why am I writing about it? Could be because I am taking a break at work, but really I don't know. It was extremely overwhelming for me to see her and talk to her. We had ten years of "catching up" to do. We were inseparable from kindergarden till fifth grade. Something trivial happened and she stopped talking to me. It was shocking to know that she didn't remember why she cut me off. That period had a major impact on my life back then as I didn't really know anything outside of her. When she cut me off, I resorted to "rebound" friends who I couldn't give a shit about right now.

It turns out that both of us are similar in many ways. I shouldn't be surprised considering how close we were but then I wouldn't think of it that way as we were "young". Like Freud says, the first few years of a child moulds his personality. It consitutes the elements he will carry all his life. The other traits he acquires are obvious off-shoots of his core personality. I think, that way, both of us formed similar personality structures. We could relate to each other on every level in such a short span of our reunion. I, for one, remember every trivial detail of the past which apalled her. That, I think, essentially shows how important those events are to me.

We were talking about the time in kindergarden when we danced for "Brown girl in the ring" and we were sad we didn't get to play the "brown girl". We were random little girls in pink. Bleh! And about the time when we played cricket and the umpire (a guy) favoured the other team because he had a crush on one of the girls and more arbit shit.

Although, we were not in touch for ten years, deep down inside it feels like we have grown up together.

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."

- Kevin Arnold

You are with a partner who likes you, you fall in love with him. He still only likes you eventhough his actions show a lot more. How do you come to a conclusion that his actions show that he feels more? Hollywood movies, perhaps. Or Mills & Boon (bad idea, btw). It is all about conditioning. You have seen the girl and guy magically falling in love and only after that does all the real romance begin. You sub-consciously think that is how it is meant to happen. You delude yourself into thinking he is in love with you too only he does not know it himself or he is not telling you. Wrong answer. He is NOT in love with you. As simple(?) as that. If you realize that early in the relationship, it's great for you. I did not. I claimed I did, even to myself but heart of all hearts I would keep hoping someday he would fall in love with me. Everytime he would tell me he does not love me, I would weep for hours together (what a girl-thing to do!) and then I would indulge in highly self-destructive behaviour, pathological would not be too strong a word. In this process of dealing with the truth, I had hurt a lot of people who I genuinely cared for.

The above situation is probably a rare one. Here's another one. This guy you met a while back tells you he loves you, but you just like him. It is somewhat the opposite of the first situation. Only the girl makes the effort to feel the same way about him only to be dumped for NO reason. Or atleast he doesn't give her any.

The point of this harangue is that the foundation of a relationship is very important. And it should be founded on HONESTY from both ends. Also, it should continue to grow on honesty and respect. Love will find its way through eventually. One should also realize that there is no strict pattern for love to happen (although you might see the pattern around you, a lot). There are exceptions to the rule, yeah? And hey, if your relationship is taking a different path, explore it. Enjoy it. Remember, Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.

Insecurity is another aspect that destroys the relationship. Women, in general need to be reassured at regular intervals. But I guess as you grow, you learn to deal with your insecurities in a more effective ways that may not jeopardize your relationship. Your partner should, however be ready to help you grow..if he really wants to be with you that is. Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle. If both the partners want it to work no matter what, it WILL work. After all, there is only one happiness in life,to love and be loved.

I also think that if one partner is being highly deceptive, it is not because he/she innately evil. No one is. Not even the ones that commit cold blooded murder ( psychopathology not included) . There is a reason behind every behaviour. One should know how to communicate this properly.
As long there is honesty, respect and faith there is nothing that can break the bond.